the other side of the pond

Well i have always been a tormented soul,    I always thought this would be my site in contrast to the others the place where i would express my internal angst in a healthy manner.

Nothing wrong with that i must admit.


The problem is that for years i coped with my internal struggle through alchol, smoking even caffeine.  So in the process i left this avenue unexplored.


In october of last year i quit smoking,    Dec 31st was my last drink.    My  last coffee officially was January 31st.   Since then i felt okay untill i slipped and had some coffee yesterday.  I woke up with tense muscle pain and stiff back.


Right now i am in the moment of what i feel like will be the starting of another wave of depression.   It is different than other times in the sense that for once my anger is not triggered.   There is just a sense of hope is gone.   I really don’t want to move out of my bed .   I am sitting at my desk trying to motivate myself to express this in some constructive manner.


I know that i need to see my doctor again and get medication, maybe for the first time they will actually be more beneficial than just help me sleep now that i finally no longer have any stimulants than may jeopardize their beneficial aid.


So i hope now that i started .. i will continue each day.


So that you know my taste i express on this site will be random.  It might be a little on the darker side of things but for me and i hope you as well it will be a form of therapy.